High Heels and Dirty Dishes # 13

I would really like to know when my life went from I don’t know what I should do today, to not being sure if I brushed my teeth or if I put a bra on because I didn’t have time. For the love of God my life has to slow down a little bit. It is 11:30 at night, and my mind is swarming on all sorts of stuff that I should be doing. The most important thing is that I leave for our annual Bjerklie girl’s trip to Apple Fest in the morning, a mind free laughter weekend with two moms and their daughters. Don’t expect stories to appear in this column. I know my place in this world, and well in this case it is to SHUT MY MOUTH. It’s not a Girls Gone Wild weekend, but is not an Amish quilting gathering either. I guess I am going to have to leave it to your imagination, cause in the case Vomit Mouth and Allie Enge can’t be used in the same sentence. I can tell you that we all exchange gifts and mine is pretty cool. They are all getting screen printed tees with my High Heels and Dirty Dishes logo, and the back there is different sayings for each one. My mom’s shirt says “Go braless, it will pull the wrinkles right out of your face”. I am sure that she won’t talk to me for a couple of days after she reads that I wrote about it. I asked her today if she liked my article from last week and her words, “Well I am still talking to you”. I like I mine too, it says “May you live long enough to poop yourself”, but the “S” word was actually used. I laughed so hard when I saw that saying I had to cross my legs. I think that it was very fitting! No new drama with my kids this week, so either I am doing a better job of zoning them out or they have been sick without me knowing it. My son did tell me this week that he is going to start writing about me, and I told him to go for it. Anything to get that kid to write in complete sentences has me excited. When you put it that way I have a feeling that if I don’t watch it Keisha and Janice are going to fight back and start their own column about me. This time there will not be any “Fake” names. Even though I am honest, there is a lot that they could bury me with. They definitely know way too much about me for me to ever think about ending our friendship. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about, we all have friends like that. I did have a couple of tough days this week, and when I get upset or discouraged I feel the symptoms of my stroke so strongly. I just want to be normal, I want to remember where I put my keys, my phone, to turn off the oven, where I set down my purse, and so on. I feel like my Grandma Rose looking for her false teeth every morning. It is hard for those that live with me, and it is really hard not having a mental breakdown. I want to be normal, I want to feel that I am not a burden, that I am someone that people want to be around instead of being known as the one that is really forgetful. Not fun and it is starting to wear on my self-esteem. As much as we want people in life to like us, I just want to be able to wake in the morning and not have to tell myself that today is going to be a better day, that I am going to get better, and that I am not going to feel worthless because of my inability to remember even the simplest things. You see my life isn’t always about High Heels and Dirty Dishes. Most of the time I have no idea where the other heel is, and the dishes are usually in the dishwasher because I hate unloading it. Until next week my friends. Allison Enge www.facebook.com/highheelsanddirtydishesbyallie

High Heels and Dirty Dishes

For so long in life I tried to find myself, and really define who I was. I for so long didn't know where I belonged in this world. I have at this point ended my weekly column, and I really have no regrets or any ill feelings toward the newspaper. It was my Segway into me realizing that writing made me happy. I know that some people are upset about me stopping, but the truth is I do write about real things, and real can be scary. So maybe everyone didn't like what I wrote about. But these are the people that obviously don't go to the bathroom, have experienced facial hair, adult acne, teenage kids, or friends that know way too much about you. I could change my writings, but you know what I won't do it. I have come too far down in my road trip of life to ever go back down that road ever again. I went down some pretty crappy roads too. Many of them with dead ends that weren't marked, some terrible frost bubbles, and let's not forget about the road that ended up nowhere so I have to drive in reverse the entire way just to realize that the road I should have taken was looking me right in the eye. What I write about is relatable, and people like to be able to relate to something. I find that it makes situations less uncomfortable and people are truly themselves. I could have caved and went with the "Norm", but lets be truthful there is nothing normal about life these days. I am honored to be able to write, and maybe this blog will not get the circulation that the paper received. That's ok, because the moment that I start writing for other people instead of myself . . . well the moment that I need to stop take a look around and smell the vodka injected oranges. . . cause they do smell as good as they taste.

High Heels and Dirty Dishes #12

I realized this week that ignorance truly is the best way to live a happy life. I’m telling you this whole being an adult thing is definitely over rated. It is a good thing that I don’t listen to what the voices in my head tell me to do, it is when I do that I get myself in TROUBLE! Please don’t roll your eyes, doesn’t everyone talk to themselves in their head. . . and have conversations . . . and make new friends. . .and exchange recipes. . . and talk about how much they LOVE Blake Shelton? Sometimes the voices in my head is my very best friend. Smile if you agree, if you don’t. Well people I had a stroke, and MAJOR brain surgery! I am kidding, I think? So last Friday my son and I went to the Rodney Atkins concert, and we had meet and greet passes. We had so much fun, but of course you put me in any type of social situation and one of three things are going to happen. 1. My colon will decide to explode. 2. My governor on my filter of my brain which regulates my mouth from my stroke will decide to fail, and I will babble. 3. Something embarrassing will happen to me and out of nervousness I will say the “F” word loudly in front of the wrong audience. Sometimes all 3 happen, and when that happens I usually say that I am Keisha. I went for a spray tan last Friday, and the thing with spray tans is that they are wonderful BUT the first day you basically until you wash go through every ethnic skin tone possible. I start out Norwegian White, and by the next morning I looked like I walked out of a jungle in Africa wearing nothing but a loin cloth. I didn’t put a whole lot of thought into the planning of the spray tan and the concert. Well my hair these days is blonde, so at the concert and in the lighting all you could see was the whites of my eyes, my teeth which with a tan are freakishly white, and my hair. So one of the crew members was talking to Nolan and looks at me and says, “You are the blondest Native I have ever seen”. I didn’t know what to say, so then I starting babbling about my stroke, and my spray tan, that I wore a size 8 shoe, and I wrote a column, I own a store, and I really wished they served beer at the casino, and how whoa. . I was having a hot flash. Then Nolan told the guy, this girl is really my aunt. I then babbled some more on how Nolan was a premature baby, and he has a horse, and he plays hockey, and goes on my Twitter account. The whole time he kept on saying, “She is my Aunt”. Then I had to break out, “YOU ARE THE FRUIT OF MY LOIN”. Seriously what is wrong with me??? Oh well, every family has one crazy person. If you don’t think that yours does, look in the mirror cause it might be you. This morning I got up early to get some things done for the upcoming weekend. I sat in my chair enjoying the quiet before the kids got up for school. It was then that I heard the most God awful noise I have ever heard. My daughters cat “Tillie Peterson” is in heat once again, and each time it happens it builds in loudness and intensity of the MEOOOOOOOWWWWW. I decided that it is by far the worst sound ever in this world. So instead of enjoying my 30 minutes of quiet this morning, I listened to the noise come out of Tillie Peterson, while watching my English toy spaniel DOG, “Orville Peterson” think that he was a male cat. Here I thought I had problems! My son asked me when he came in if I made that noise when I wanted to have babies. You can’t make up this kind of stuff people! I didn’t give any big explanation, I told him to brush his teeth. I wonder what it would be like to have a normal family. I am sure that my kids wonder what it would be like to have a normal mom! BORING! Until next week my friends. Allison Enge www.facebook.com/highheelsanddirtydishesbyallie