Near Death Experience

There is a little joke in my family about Near Death Experiences, particularly with mom and Joni.  They usually have "Near Death Experiences", you know the kind when your in a paddle boat wearing life jackets still tied to the dock in 2 feet of water and the paddle boat starts taking on water and you hear 2 woman yelling and screaming proclaiming a "Near Death Experience".  Ok - maybe the story didn't go just like that, but they were wearing life jackets.

So a little confession to make, a couple of months ago I made an appointment with a medium in Minneapolis.  I told NO ONE!  I figured people would laugh at me, or judge severely.  It actually took me about a month to actually be put on a waiting list for this lady.  Most of us have seen the show on TLC Long Island Medium, and well I like to watch Teresa Caputo, and wondered how I would be in that situation, or what I would say or do.  So I was like, I need to find one.  Back in the day I called a psychic when I was growing up at mom and dads and mom just about killed me when she got the phone bill.  I ended up chickening out, and cancelled.  It just kind of freaked me out, and I elected not to go.  I would like to proclaim my love of Jesus and his word and that I don't need anyone telling me differently.  Truth is is scared the BaJesus out of me.  I was just like I'm not comfortable on someone telling me that there are spirits with me all of the time seeing my every move.  After Ryan died I was scared to be naked in the bathroom after taking a shower and trekking to my bedroom in case he might see me.  Now I think that was a silly thought, since when do "Ghosts use doors".  Anyway, I just didn't feel right about it.  So I figured that if something was making me so uncomfortable, why do it?  I'm not against people that do, more power to you.  Do I believe them?  I think there are some valid people out there, the one psychic I talked to back in the day told me that I was going to marry a musician.  Really?  Don't anyone go making appointments for me now, I am completely fine on where I am right now.

I got a call from my girlfriend this afternoon today about my post about being fake.  She goes I can't believe you said that.  I go yeah nothing to be proud of huh, she goes no I can't believe you had the balls to admit you do something that everyone else does too.  I'm not proud of it, I'm not proud of a lot of things.  But I am strong enough with who I am to say, I am ashamed of not only that instance but others too.  I just hope next time I actually think before I act.  I'm judged all of the time, some of it is valid, some of it I'm like really?  I actually heard that someone said I faked my brain surgery.  I tried to put out "fires", even thought of posted a video of the surgery itself.  Then I was like why?  Maybe I did have brain surgery, maybe I didn't?  It's not going to change some people thinking that I didn't really have it.  I am who I am, some people are going to only read this to gossip.  Some of the best advice I got from friend of mine saying, "Don't ever put anything in print that you can't defend", she also told me that when I die she will make sure that I am always wearing mascara.  She is a good friend because at Ryan's prayer service she came up to me gave me a hug and said, "Go put on mascara", and I did.