High Heels and Dirty Dishes Column 5

Well being a parent this week certainly has had it’s challenges.  We are on a 6 day family vacation, and I know that when I get home I am going to need a vacation from my vacation.  Our first stop was yesterday in Duluth and we were down on Canal Street.  I asked to take a picture of Nolan and he grumbled, “NO PICTURES”.  I got a little upset, well I got a lot upset and pulled out the “When you get older you are going to want to look at these pictures and remember our family vacation”.  So I did get a picture and he looks pained in the picture, extremely pained. . . . Kind of like he just left the dentist office and had a root canal.  Then there was the car ride with two kids arguing over who was taking too much room.  So my kids found out that there is a river in the middle of the seat and if someone crossed it their legs would be swallowed up and they wouldn’t be able to swim at The Wisconsin Dells.  This was just a simple exaggeration on my part.  Well the kids started acting like there was actually a river, this definitely backfired on my part.  “He is looking at me”, “Nolan is eating all of the beef jerky”, and my favorite, “Hannah just kicked me in the head”.  Oh my word this is going to be a long trip and we aren’t going to actually get to The Dells till Saturday.  Before we left we packed every electronic device possible, and the cords have their own carrying case. We have ipods, ipads, iphones, DS’s, PSP’s, Kindle Fire’s, and laptops.   I looked at them before we left and thought that it was foolish that we take all of this along, that whatever happened to the games “I Spy With My Little Eye”, or “The License Plate Game”, and so on.  Well the thing is I love my kids but those games are games that I like to play when we are making the 3 ½ mile trip from my house into town.  Not the games that I would like to play on a 10 hour 6 day vacation with the kids.  Bring on the electronics, it will keep them quiet for a time, and hopefully cut down on the terrible thing of one kid actually looking at the other kid, which turns into a major meltdown.  Where is that family on tv when the kids go on vacation they look so nice in the pictures?  I realized that family is not real, and they don’t exist.  I am going to have to photoshop most of our pictures to portray the idea of them actually liking each other.  When we get home the kids will have had fun, I will be broke, and they will be planning their next vacation.  I will be planning my next vacation too.  Mine will be when everyone is gone and the house is quiet, the movie “Lonesome Dove” will be playing on TV, and no one will ask “How many more miles”.  Until next week my friends.

Allison Enge

Thief River Falls, MN

Highheelsanddirtydishes@yahoo.com

High Heels and Dirty Dishes #4

Just when I think that my years of “Stupid Choices” were behind me, I totally topped the cake and folded into “Middle Aged Pressure” and signed up with a bunch of my friends to do this “Uff Da Mud Run”.  This definitely beats the time that I was 16 years old and my girlfriends buried my parent’s Red LTD Ford on a snowmobile trail.  I know that my mother is going to read this, and I want to tell you one more time . . . . MOM IT WAS KEISHA AND SHEILA’S FAULT.  (Sheila is my mother’s niece, also known as Shannon).  At the time I was not in the car I was actually on the back of a Harley Davidson.  Ok, back to the Mud Run.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into signing up for this.  I absolutely did no research, paid the $50 and now the truth has finally started to come out.  Let me tell you something, I am not an athlete.   I have never been an athlete.  I was in track for one week, and made it to 1 track meet. . .  and then the coach Lawrence Vettleson needed someone to run the 2 miles in Crookston.  I finished the race, and never put those shoes on again.  I wasn’t bad, I was terrible.  I was on lap 3 of like 1,000 and everyone else was done.  I don’t run, I don’t do sit up’s, push’s ups to me are something that the Schwans man brings to my house, and curls are something that I use to put in my hair.   I am starting to get feedback on everything that is going to happen on this day, and I sure picked a fine time not to use to my ipad and do some research.  These girls are worried about ordering tank tops and calling our team the “Tuff Mudders”, I really want to tell them that no one is going to be looking at our shirts they are going to more focused on the girl swearing from start to finish and yelling at the top of her lungs, “If I live you girls better find your own way home”.  Keisha told me that we are a team and we are going to wait for one another to do each obstacle.  That my friend should have been my clue the word “Obstacle”, why don’t they just call a spade a spade and call it a “Death Trap”.  Oh and Keisha she is about as competitive as they get.  I refuse to be on the same team with her when it comes to a board game, now I am going to trust to lift me over a 10 foot wall???  She will leave me hanging and on the way home call me “fragile”.  The only thing that I climb into is bed.  Now we have to cross a river.  It was asked if we needed life jacket for those that can’t swim, of course I need a life body suit!  Yes I am 36 years old and can’t swim.  How you may ask yourself?  Well you see when you are 6 and think that your 9 year old brother is really awesome . . . but then doesn’t want you to play with him and his friends at Pine Lake, he holds your head underwater until you feel as though you are on the cusp of death.  Since then, I hate water.  I remember the last day I ever went to swimming lessons I ran off the bus in Fosston didn’t go to the school and went to Ben Franklin instead.  There was no way she was going to pass me, I was fully aware of the situation.  These girls are all training for this mud run.  I guess we have to climb monkey bars during one of the obstacles, and I’m sure will be full of mud just getting out of the river.  So my training is going to start tomorrow.  If you can’t find me at home, well I will be at the playground working on getting from one end of the monkey bars to the next.  I don’t know why I try though I was never able to do them before, I don’t know why I think that I am going to be able to do them now.  Until next week my friends.

 

Allie Enge

Thief River Falls, MN

High Heels and Dirty Dishes column 3

I am officially one animal closer to being labeled “Animal Hoarder”.   I am now the owner of 3 dogs, 2 cats, and a horse.  This was never my plan.  The first dog we have is Gunner; he is an outside dog, and is 11 years old.  About 7 years ago a stray female cat had a litter of 8 kittens and deserted the 1 week old babies in our playhouse.  I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I am not a cat lover.  I couldn’t let them die though, so with advice from the Humane Society and the local vet we took the kittens in.   $200 worth of supplies later. . . I had kitten milk, bottles, heating pads, and towels, I had to feed the kittens every 2 hours, and I quickly learned kittens that young don’t know how to go to the bathroom.  Rubber gloves, a wet paper towel and some stimulation over the toilet later they do go.  I honestly thought that I was going to have to go to therapy after that whole ordeal.  That is where my journey from 1 dog to “Animal Hoarder” started.  Now there is Oscar Peterson my miniature Schnauzer, Tillie Peterson my daughters crossed eyed cat, Orville Peterson my ½ English Toy Spaniel and ½ Cocker Spaniel, and now after last week we have Remington (Remy) Peterson my son’s black kitten.  He was what I like to call an unplanned pregnancy.  It was the first night of the fair and my son was running towards me holding this kitten.  My first words – WHERE DID YOU GET THAT.  He responded, “Don’t worry mom, it’s from the Free People”.  I looked in Nolan’s eyes and knew that there was no way that kitten was not going home with me without a major meltdown.  So with some former advice from my mother on “Picking Your Battles”. . . I have officially become that person that has to buy 50 pound bags of dog food, and the economy size containers of kitty litter.  The collection of animal’s toys now has a special “Toy Box”, and I talk to my animals like they little children.  My only saving grace in this whole situation is that I pray that my children have many kids just like them, and they live within 20 minutes of me.  Close enough that I can see them whenever I want, and far enough away that I can leave and have my own space.  I then will sit and wait patiently by the phone for the call that I get from them saying, “Can you believe what my kid just did”, from the tone of my parent’s voice it’s a wonderful payback.  Last week I dropped my son off at tennis practice and he wouldn’t hug me because “I would embarrass him”.  So when he started to walk around my side of the truck, I rolled down my window waved like a mad woman and loudly said, “HAVE A GOOD DAY AT TENNIS NOLAN. . .MOMMY LOVES YOU”.  The look on his face = priceless.  Since then hugs are in abundance because he knows the alternative.   Then my daughter had the nerve to ask me if it bothered me when I see other moms that are really pretty with kids.  So I smacked her on the head.  Yes, I realize that is not the correct parenting style, but come on here it didn’t hurt.  I honestly think that she was serious.   As I explain in graphic details to my mother what has happened, she sits at her table and smiles with THE LOOK.  The look with no words, but what the bubble over her head is really saying, “Oh it’s not so much fun now when the shoe is on the other foot”.   The bubble might as well say beneath it, “I have waited 36 years for this and the day is finally here and I couldn’t be happier”.  It’s not as though I haven’t heard that come from her mouth before.  We have all heard the saying, “Enjoy your kids when they are young because they grow up too fast”.  That is such a valid point, but really when your kids are rolling their eyes are you, refuse to clean their rooms. . And the term FLUSH THE TOILET doesn’t register, enjoyment isn’t the first thing that comes to my mind.  It’s more on the line of not being able to control the excitement of the thought of the having their own children one day.  I will also let you all in on a little secret.  I am a working stay at home mom that is REALLY excited about the Tuesday after Labor Day.  Until next week my friends. 

Allie Enge

Thief River Falls, MN

High Heels and Dirty Dishes Column 2

One would swear that my excitement for this column is totally over the top.  I feel that I am definitely writing for the Boston Globe, or even The New York Times.   My family on the other hand . . . well they are cautiously excited for me.  Cautious in the fact that they are not sure what I am going to write about.   Last night I was so angry with my mother for not having the “The Pre-Menopause” talk with me.  My mom and I have a great friendship.  I remember where we were when she gave me “The Talk” when I was growing up.  Although I really wish that maybe she would have given me “The Other Talk” now that I am older.  Yes, I am 36 years old and sometimes I sing the lyrics to the song in my head, “The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be”.  Yes I remember the day that I found my first gray hair on my head, I was like 25 and my Dr. at the time informed me that it was because of the medication that I was on.  I can’t blame her for that.  However after I hit 30 things started happening to my body that NEVER happen when you are in your 20’s.  A lot can be blamed on kids and giving birth.  For instance by now we know what happens when I get on a trampoline, and two piece swimming suits are out of the question.  The only time that you hear about two pieces come out of my mouth is when I say, “I will have two pieces of bacon”.  Not saying that I had a rock solid body before childbirth, I was the chubby kid that found stretch marks on my legs when I was 16.  I remember it vividly, it was the year that I discovered mozzarella sticks from the café in Oklee and bismarks from the McIntosh bakery, it all went downhill and sideways from there.   I found a chin hair a year ago and flipped out, it wasn’t a soft one that was casually brushed up with a makeup brush.   This was a whisker that hung low and was long.  I pulled it out.  Wouldn’t you know the next week it started coming back and brought friends?  You would swear my chin was a college keg party and my lower face was “The Hang Out”.   Every time I go to Wal-Mart to buy the wax kit I stuff it amongst other things in my cart to make sure that I don’t see anyone.  I feel like I am 17 years old again buying my own feminine products.   I called my mom tonight and she goes, “I don’t have chin hair”, the next time that I see her I am going to take a good look at her chin. . . . This conversation will definitely be continued.   So this is my second column, and by now you are thinking one of two things.  One:  Thank God it’s just not me, or Two:  This girl isn’t all there.  Well I hope that it is one, and if it’s two.  Well you see I had a stroke and brain surgery.  True story, I had a stroke at 33 and brain surgery at 35.  I use that as an excuse a lot.  Have I recovered?   I am happy to say that the bad days are few and far between, but sometimes it is really hard.  It has been a year since my surgery and tonight I sent my brother a message on Facebook and the last message that I got from him was the day of my surgery and he said, “I love you Al”.  It made me smile, and I got a little teary eyed.  It made me realize that I don’t know if we have really told each other that we love each other since then.  Why should it take something like your loved one going in for a serious surgery to send that message, and why hadn’t we done it before or after that for that matter? We all have our issues in life, I have mine, and if all you don’t think that you have yours . . . well my friend you do.  We take time for granted, and we get so caught up in our own lives that we forget about the ones who really matter.  We have all said that the phone works both ways, but sometimes it takes you to pick up the phone.  There is something about getting a phone call from your family to just say hi.  It is a lot better than receiving a call saying that “Al there was a bad accident”.   So to my brothers Aric and Lucas, I love you very much, and you should really call mom and dad and “Thank them for giving birth to the best older sister”.  Until next week my friends.

Allie Enge

Thief River Falls, Minnesota

Good Job Allie

I had a Dr.  appointment today in Grand Forks.  I've been having some medical issues, nothing bad or anything like that.  It has been going on for about a year and to be honest after my brain surgery I really didn't want to deal with anything else.  It's not a life or death thing.  I broke my elbow a few years back, and it is true that when you break something when your young. . . You pay for it when your older.  I'm gonna be fine, I have options and lets hope they turn out like I want it to.   That is not what this post is about though.  I went to The Rehab in Grand Forks at Altru.  Turns out that the Dr. I seen today was my Rehab Dr.  He gave me a huge hug, and it brought back so many memories.  When we were done he shook my hand and told me that he was proud of me.  I seen some of my old nurses and they remembered me.  It hit me emotionally though because I seen folks that were inpatient and I remember the shock and pain being there.  A lady was struggling walking with a cane and I wanted to tell her that this place is only a pitstop and things get better.  So now going on 3 years since my stroke I tonight decided to write myself a letter.  I'm writing a letter to the girl that I was 3 years ago from the girl I am today.

Dear Allie, 

I'm not going to tell you that life is going to get better, no I'm going to tell you that life is going to get different.  It's ok to be angry, and it's ok to cry. It's ok to be frustrated and it's ok to be depressed.  When you ask God why he did this to you, also thank him for still giving your kids their mom.  Life isnt going to get any harder, life is simply going to be different.  Your going to question so many things, you will worry about financial struggles, worry about your parenting skills, you will question your faith.  You will question friendships, and friendships will question you.  You will struggle with loyality, and loyality will struggle with you.  Again taking a look at the Allie pre-stroke and 3 years post stroke these are all things that you faced before, the only difference is that they are different.  You are going to come out stronger, just as you have during any other obstacle, the only thing is that the courses are different.  So take time to grieve the loss of your life before, but don't take too much time because wasting time dwelling on the why's is a missed opportunity on the Wow's and girl you have a lot of them coming up if you allow yourself the vision to see them.

Your best friend and biggest Cheerleader, 

Allie 

Confession

My name is Allie Enge, and I am an animal hoarder.  Well ok maybe not a severe case but a large enough one for me to say to myself, "Self what the hell were you thinking".  We have 2 cats, 3 dogs, and a horse.  However the horse is in the process of being sold and then we will get another one.  My animals are well taken care of, and completely loved however NO MORE!  I'm gonna be honest and I'm sorry if I offend anyone, I don't like cats.  We have Tillie Peterson and Remington.  Tillie Peterson is a snot, she is fussy, anti-social, and a complete bit$!  Remington well you see he is new to my family, been in the house now ohhhhhh maybe 2 hours.  After the parade at the fair we dropped off our float and on the way back into town I got a call from Nolan.  He was screaming bloody murder, in my mind I knew that he fell off that damn ride "Zero Gravity", the ambulance was on the way and he was going to be airlifted to Fargo where it would be touch and go throughout the night.  Turns out there was only 1 free kitten left in the entire world and the lady was going to hold it for Nolan.  So I got to the fair and Nolan ran up to me, "Mom it's ok it's from the 'Free People'".  Yes I could have said bring it back, but you need to realize not even 3 minutes before in my mind my son was being airlifted to Fargo.  So I caved. . . . This could be interesting!  Nolan told me that Grandpa Rodney said that he can have a cat at his house that can be Nolan's.  So in a week or so it will hopefully go there.  Or maybe not . . . .Nolan has a way of wearing away at me as a parent and before I know it we are making room in our hearts for another member.  I can no longer say a darn thing when I see these people that have like 17 kids and wonder, "What were they thinking".  Don't throw stones at glass houses cause many people would just walk in my house and wonder the same thing.  Day 1 of the fair.  Nolan 1 ~ Mom 0.  Oh and the animal barns haven't even opened yet.  Ole Allie Enge had a farm ~ E~I~E~I~O

High Heels and Dirty Dishes Issue # 1

Being a writer has never really been a dream of mine, although I found out a long time ago that I wasn’t really good at showing my emotions. So sometimes after a really crappy day, I would write. I am not Anne Frank and after I die, there is not going to be a notebook of unpublished writings. I usually would type out what was on my mind, and then click the delete button after every letter. It was only three years ago after my stroke that my writings were shared with people and that is because my family started a Caringbridge site, people started commenting to me and my family about my writings and said that they would like more. I am not a professional, and I am sure that my grammar is not going to be right. If you are reading my column to pick out the things that I am not using in proper terms, well get a highlighter and make it a part of your weekly ritual. My name is Allie, or when my mom is upset with me Allison. I am 36 years old, and yes my mother still gets upset with me. Writing this column is probably one of the most exciting things and honestly one of the scariest. I write about real things, I write the truth and sometimes the truth is not a fun thing to realize after you read it on paper. I don’t know what this column is going to lead to; I just know that I am happiest when I write. I am a real person, I have kids, I am married, and I have my own business. I have made mistakes in my life, and did something’s that I am not proud of. I might even write about them. When I shared with my family that I got this column they were all excited for me, HOWEVER. . . they did also say, “YOU BETTER NOT WRITE ABOUT ME”. How can I not write about them? For the love of God my father married my mother, and his brother married her sister, and their other brother married their first cousin? That in itself should have people talking for days. It is legal though, may raise a few eyebrows, and some figuring in the head. Let’s just say that those Bjerklie boys found good stock in those Sjulestads girls and didn’t have to travel too far north of the Neptune Bridge to find love. They have helped define who I am today. So I have to come up with some “fake names” for them. Like my aunt Joni maybe referred to as my friend Janice and my cousin Kelly will have to be Keisha my cousin from my father’s side. I am real; I am a north of Gully girl who can’t jump on a trampoline without peeing in my pants. I have a robust fear of public bathrooms, and I am completely aware that I swear too much. I grew up on a farm North of Gully. When I moved to the city it meant living close to Thief River Falls. I believe in Jesus, and if that offends you I am not sorry. I have learned that life is too short, and if I have an issue with someone I go right to the source. I have learned that people don’t like that. . . keeps life interesting. I have been dealt some pretty tough hands of cards in my life, and yes many times when I write I cry, sometimes I don’t even know why. It’s not fun realizing that you are angry with your brother who was killed, or upset at the fact that no matter how hard I try I look like Elaine from “Seinfeld” when I dance. Or that I can’t make banana bread like my little brother Lucas. I still think that he bought it from an Amish road side stand in Western North Dakota, and took a picture of it and tagged me on Facebook, just to make me mad. Welcome to my journey of writing. If you get anything out of this column, know that it is ok to be real. It’s ok not to call that 1-800 number that they talk about on the TV for loss of bladder control if you cough, sneeze, laugh, dance, or jump on a trampoline. You see I have this friend named Janice, and this cousin on my father’s side name Keisha that it happens to also. Keep it real, keep it honest, and I have found in life to be myself. Some people don't like me as myself, but I have found complete happiness in the ones that do. Until next week my friends.

Allie Enge

Thief River Falls, Minnesota