High Heels and Dirty Dishes #12

I realized this week that ignorance truly is the best way to live a happy life. I’m telling you this whole being an adult thing is definitely over rated. It is a good thing that I don’t listen to what the voices in my head tell me to do, it is when I do that I get myself in TROUBLE! Please don’t roll your eyes, doesn’t everyone talk to themselves in their head. . . and have conversations . . . and make new friends. . .and exchange recipes. . . and talk about how much they LOVE Blake Shelton? Sometimes the voices in my head is my very best friend. Smile if you agree, if you don’t. Well people I had a stroke, and MAJOR brain surgery! I am kidding, I think? So last Friday my son and I went to the Rodney Atkins concert, and we had meet and greet passes. We had so much fun, but of course you put me in any type of social situation and one of three things are going to happen. 1. My colon will decide to explode. 2. My governor on my filter of my brain which regulates my mouth from my stroke will decide to fail, and I will babble. 3. Something embarrassing will happen to me and out of nervousness I will say the “F” word loudly in front of the wrong audience. Sometimes all 3 happen, and when that happens I usually say that I am Keisha. I went for a spray tan last Friday, and the thing with spray tans is that they are wonderful BUT the first day you basically until you wash go through every ethnic skin tone possible. I start out Norwegian White, and by the next morning I looked like I walked out of a jungle in Africa wearing nothing but a loin cloth. I didn’t put a whole lot of thought into the planning of the spray tan and the concert. Well my hair these days is blonde, so at the concert and in the lighting all you could see was the whites of my eyes, my teeth which with a tan are freakishly white, and my hair. So one of the crew members was talking to Nolan and looks at me and says, “You are the blondest Native I have ever seen”. I didn’t know what to say, so then I starting babbling about my stroke, and my spray tan, that I wore a size 8 shoe, and I wrote a column, I own a store, and I really wished they served beer at the casino, and how whoa. . I was having a hot flash. Then Nolan told the guy, this girl is really my aunt. I then babbled some more on how Nolan was a premature baby, and he has a horse, and he plays hockey, and goes on my Twitter account. The whole time he kept on saying, “She is my Aunt”. Then I had to break out, “YOU ARE THE FRUIT OF MY LOIN”. Seriously what is wrong with me??? Oh well, every family has one crazy person. If you don’t think that yours does, look in the mirror cause it might be you. This morning I got up early to get some things done for the upcoming weekend. I sat in my chair enjoying the quiet before the kids got up for school. It was then that I heard the most God awful noise I have ever heard. My daughters cat “Tillie Peterson” is in heat once again, and each time it happens it builds in loudness and intensity of the MEOOOOOOOWWWWW. I decided that it is by far the worst sound ever in this world. So instead of enjoying my 30 minutes of quiet this morning, I listened to the noise come out of Tillie Peterson, while watching my English toy spaniel DOG, “Orville Peterson” think that he was a male cat. Here I thought I had problems! My son asked me when he came in if I made that noise when I wanted to have babies. You can’t make up this kind of stuff people! I didn’t give any big explanation, I told him to brush his teeth. I wonder what it would be like to have a normal family. I am sure that my kids wonder what it would be like to have a normal mom! BORING! Until next week my friends. Allison Enge www.facebook.com/highheelsanddirtydishesbyallie