High Heels and Dirty Dishes # 7

This week’s article was pretty much completed and then I watched the news tonight. My family was featured for the “Because I Can” project that is in memory of my brother. It was a nice feature, although on a personal note the camera needs to learn that up high and at an angle really would have been nice for me who has a “round” face. I would have even preferred a voice over. I looked at the TV and thought to myself, “I am so much prettier in person”. They say the camera adds 10 pounds, I am thinking more like 50, and a couple of chins. I didn’t really focus on the message, I was more like “she should have zoomed out”, or “man that zit on my forehead looks huge”, or my favorite “I should have tucked in that t-shirt”. Actually I had a hard time other than my physical deformities with watching it. Seeing Ryan’s face, hearing them say he died, made it real. Why is it 4 years later when I read that it happened, or hearing it on the news makes it all real. It is as though I play a game in head that makes me almost believe that he is off working, and it didn’t happen. It takes me breath away. For about a year after he died once a week I would go on the funeral website and see his obituary just to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming it. If that isn’t messed up I don’t know what is. I was reading this article a couple of days ago about what a person would do if they were given only 48 hours to live. One person was going to sky dive, the other was to give away all of their money, many would tell their family one by one how much they loved then, and so on. I would do none of those things. I would make sure that my house was clean and all of my junk drawers were organized, I don’t want to be known as a messy dead person. I wouldn’t sky dive, are you kidding me? I conquered my robust fear of heights last year and got on a step ladder and made it to the 3rd step from the top and didn’t scream. Granted I would tell my family that I loved them, but if I miss a couple of them. . . well they should already know and not take it personal. The thing is I need to take as much time as possible at the funeral home. My main fear about my death is my funeral, specifically my funeral board. I don’t want a funeral video. I need to approve all of the pictures of me that go on that board before my death. I have a tendency to take really bad pictures, no I am not kidding. I mean REALLY BAD PICTURES. They are so bad that during the year at random times my cousins Emily and Kelly will send me pictures of me, just to get a reaction. This week was no exception. I could blame it on alcohol, but unfortunately I don’t drink that often anymore. So many people these days have Facebook and smartphones, and when a picture is taken of them someone will usually say, “Don’t put that on Facebook”. I do say that too, but more often than none I think to myself, “Self that better not go on my funeral board”. Now you may say to yourself that “When you are dead you don’t really care”. My question back to you is “How do you know, have you ever been dead”? See. . . I told you! On a side note: I have found that in my last 7 weeks writing this article a new zest for life, thank you to all of the readers who have emailed, called, or stop me in the street. I appreciate it so much. Yes, what I sometimes write about can be a little edgy, but it is real. Underneath all of the Estee Lauder is a person with a colon just like you. Until next week my friends. Allison Enge highhealsanddirtydishes@yahoo.com